A Blog Entry I wrote February 15, 2017 when my son was 2 years old. -
Last night, after watching an episode of Black-ish with my husband, where they touched on the idea of therapy in the Black community, I asked him (he’s a third-generation Mexican from LA) if he’d ever consider going to therapy with me. His response was immediate: “NO! … Why would you think we need therapy? Do we have a problem that requires therapy?”
His view of therapy is one that I think many share: it’s a place for deep-rooted issues that require the expertise of a degree-wielding psychoanalyst, usually ending in medication. I, on the other hand, see therapy differently. To me, therapy is a tool to work through limiting thoughts, patterns, or anything else that holds you back from being who you truly want to be.
Though I’ve never been to therapy myself, I have close friends and family who have, and I see the value in having a third-party with no personal agenda to talk to about life—especially what’s going on inside your head. Because let’s face it, there’s a lot happening in there. I can go through my day with thoughts bouncing around, from replays of situations that happened two weeks ago to detailed outlines of our summer plans and how they’ll affect my son’s development. Sometimes, that mental clutter just needs to be processed.
If you decide you need help sorting through what’s going on in your mind, why not? To me, a therapist should be someone who can provide unbiased, objective advice—not just your favorite “Steve the Bartender” or “Zayne the Mixologist,” but someone with the expertise to offer life guidance. They should have a thriving marriage, fulfilling friendships, well-adjusted kids, success in business, and healthy relationships with those around them.
In the Bible, it says, “Examine the fruit; a good tree produces good fruit.” My mom used to say, “Don’t take advice from someone whose life you wouldn’t want to have.” So if I were looking for a therapist, that’s where I’d start.
Lately, I’ve come to see books as my teachers and life experiences as my guides. I told a friend recently that I know more today than I did 10 weeks ago, and God willing, in another 10 weeks, I’ll know even more. It’s all about growth. And to me, therapy represents a space for growth. A therapist is like a growth coach, helping you see your blind spots—those things in your life you can’t see on your own, whether it’s in your behavior or the way you treat others or yourself.
For me, I rely on the Bible for advice and direction. No matter what your religious background is, the Bible offers timeless wisdom on how to live a good life and be a better person. But I also love the way books allow me to view life from a fresh perspective, expanding my understanding of everything around me. That’s also what TED Talks offer.
I can’t even remember when I started watching TED Talks, but once I stumbled upon them, it became an addiction. They’re only about 12 minutes long, but it’s almost impossible for me to stop after one. I get sucked into watching related videos on the same topic. TED gives you a front-row seat to hear from the best innovators and thinkers in the world, sharing their life’s work and passion. It’s as good as it gets.
Books let you see the world through someone else’s eyes, and TED Talks do the same—except you’re hearing from the experts at the top of their fields. All topics are designed to make life better, and the research and insights you get in 12 minutes are priceless.
So when I’m looking for guidance on relationships, emotions, or overcoming limitations, I turn to TED. And it’s helped me. The best talks I’ve found? Ones on vulnerability, the science of seduction, confidence, and living creatively. Skeptical? Well, my advice is to check it out. Being open to new ideas has been one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned, and it serves me well every day.
So be open, reflect on what limits you, and look it up. I’m sure there’s a TED Talk created just for your need. With this kind of life-changing insight at your fingertips, who needs therapy? Unless, of course, you’re someone with deep-seated issues that need to be worked through—then, maybe therapy is the right step.
*** I wrote this early in 2017. Today I have a lot more friends and family members in Therapy. I have considered it. However, I am not in Therapy. I found alternatives that work for me to help with stress, like meditation, journalling and communicating with loved ones. I urge anyone reading this to find what works for them, (that's not a substance). I am not a licensed therapist. I am a human that feels and reflects and chose to write about it.